I have really struggled with how I feel on this day for a few years now. See, it would be my oldest stepbrothers’ birthday today. We had an incredibly tumultuous relationship and he wasn’t a very nice person sometimes. Other times, he woyld gice the shirt off his back if neesed and he loved his kids fiercely. 3 years ago, as he lay dying in a hospital bed, I had to decide if I would hold on to all the anger or forgive him. I chose forgiveness; not for him but for me. I knew, as it came down to the end and his oldest daughter, my beautiful niece, had to make some tough choices, that I had choices too.
In 2014 I was blessed with a miracle baby and life forever changed. As my brother lay dying that year, I had to choose to be a good mother and role model and that meant choosing forgiveness. It wasn’t an easy road. It took days of prayer and battling my own brain. In the end, because he was so far away, I had a phone held to his ear and I forgave him. I sobbed through it all. I like to think he heard me, but what really matters is, I know I did it. I know I made a good choice. I know I chose the path that would help me move on with my life.
It’s funny how things work out. It’s all so crazy how nuts family can be when someone is dying. So much chaos and so many lies. It’s ok though because I know the truth; I know I’m a good person, I know I can look myself in the mirror and I know I can sleep at night. As the song goes, “in the end, nothing else matters.”
Live big, love hard, be kind and always, always forgive. For you, not them.